


trust me

by gaysidecharacter



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Episode: e060-066 The Stolen Century Parts 1-7, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Sickfic, Spoilers for Episode: e060-066 The Stolen Century Parts 1-7, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:02:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27141478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaysidecharacter/pseuds/gaysidecharacter
Summary: everyone gets real sick and lup is having a time
Relationships: Barry Bluejeans & Lup, Barry Bluejeans/Lup, Lup & Taako (The Adventure Zone), Magnus Burnsides & Lup
Comments: 3
Kudos: 32





	trust me

**Author's Note:**

> cw: character death, sickness, anxiety attack, vomiting

This cycle had been fucking rough, and they were only four months in. They thought it would be fine at first, they saw the light when it fell and got it pretty quickly, so they began looking for civilization. Now that they’d found it, Lup wished to every god she didn’t believe in that they hadn’t. 

They found what had been a large settlement, but most of it was decrepit and abandoned, or so they thought until they found a house that looked considerably more well maintained than those surrounding it. They’d knocked on the door, trying to get some answers, but all they got was a voice frantically begging them to leave. They did, not wanting to upset the local people, but as they made their way to the center of the town, they figured out what was going on. 

A plague had ravaged this entire world not too long ago, and the survivors were doing all they could to stay alive. There was a sort of hospital set up in the woods where people who had gotten it and survived took care of those not as lucky. No spells or potions could heal it and neither could anything else. There weren’t many people there. They tried to figure out what to do, and settled on staying in their ship near but not too near the hospital. Merle wanted to do whatever he could to help these people. 

He was the first to go. There was nothing they could do to even slow the virus. It ran its course and in three weeks he was gone. They left after that and got far far away from everything. Then Davenport. They caught it quick because of its signature light spots it would leave scattered across your skin and he locked himself away in his room. He lasted a few days longer than Merle. Then Lucretia. She’d been bringing him food, and though she’d been as cautious as possible, it was almost inevitable. She locked herself in his room as it was already secure. She barely lasted two weeks. And now Magnus. Even Barry, Lup, and Taako were being more cautious. They didn’t go near each other if they could help it and stayed in their own rooms as much as they could. It fucking sucked. They could only talk through their stones of farspeech, and even though they knew they were coming back, it was still hard to watch your family die. Lup had taken the role of bringing Magnus food, so she shouldn’t have been surprised when the spots showed up after about a week. 

She told Barry and Taako through the stones and geared up in her makeshift hazmat suit, then making her way to Cap’nport’s room, touching and breathing as little as possible. As she got in, she shut the door behind her and looked to Magnus. She hadn’t seen the full effects of the virus before, and he looked rough. He was lying on the bed, pale and sweaty and slightly shaking. She sat down next to him and he stirred and looked up at her.

“Lup, what are you- you can’t be in here.” He pushed himself away from her. “I’m serious, it isn’t-” Lup stuck out her arm covered in the spots and he stopped. “I- fuck, dude. I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok. It’s not your fault at least.” They sat in silence, just looking at the wall for a minute. She rested her head on his shoulder and he pulled her into a tight hug. “I missed you, man.” 

“Me too. We’re gonna get through this, ok?” 

They didn’t. The next week and a half were really, really hard. They were both getting worse, but Magnus was getting worse faster and he was already further in. Lup tried to keep him going. She really did, she made him eat and drink and did what she could to keep him warm and comfortable, she held him when he woke up crying from fever dreams trying to explain them incomprehensibly, she tried so hard to keep him going. Sometimes trying isn’t enough. And then Magnus was gone too. And then she was alone, and wished she wasn’t. And then she wasn’t and wished she was.

She was laying almost asleep when she felt a cool hand brush her burning skin. She leaned into it, slightly purring, when she realized what was going on. She flung herself back, covering her mouth. Taako shrugged his sweater off his shoulder, the pale spots a stark contrast against his skin. Lup felt the tears in her throat. 

“No, this isn’t- I didn’t-” She choked back a sob. Why was she already crying? She was so hot and tired and exhausted, she was already crying a little bit most of the time. Fevers always fucked her up way too much. She loosely remembered getting sick when they were pretty young and Taako begging her not to die while they were huddled in an alley. It felt too familiar when he pulled her into him as she cried. He held her tight and she tried to do the same with the energy she had left. She hated herself for it, but a tiny part of her was glad he was here. 

History repeats itself sometimes in ways you don’t expect it to. This was one of those times. Taako cared for Lup to the best of his ability and begged her to get better. And just like before, she did. She would have said it was a fucking miracle if it hadn’t been so hard. She would struggle to eat and then it would all come back up and she’d try again and again until she couldn’t anymore. And then once more and it stayed down this time. It was an uphill climb. It was so, so hard, one of the hardest things she’d ever done, but she did it. Five weeks after she’d noticed the spots and she was still here. She was okay again.

The others weren’t.

She’d stayed with Taako, never leaving his side, It had been two and a half weeks since he’d joined her and he was deteriorating before her eyes. He was feverish and so weak, he could hardly sit up or stay awake for more than a few minutes. It hurt her to see him like this and know how much pain he was in and just be so helpless. 

And then Barry walked in. She didn’t even flinch, didn’t push herself away. It was only a matter of time. She’d been sitting at the edge of the bed, hovering over Taako’s sleeping body, but as Barry walked in she just sank to the ground. Lup’s heart was racing. She was so fucking scared. She buried her face in her shaking hands.

“Fuck. I… fuck.”

“Yeah.” Barry plopped down next to her. “It’s gonna be okay. We’ll be back soon.”

“Yeah but… shit, dude, what if you’re not? I don’t- I don’t know what I’m doing, I’ve never been alone, what if I fuck it up and-”

“Hey, hey, just breathe, okay?” She realized she’d been hyperventilating and tried to slow down her breath. “It’s gonna be fine. I trust you.”

“I just-” She ran her hands through her hair as she took a shaky breath. “I don’t want to lose you. I don’t…” Lup trailed off, glancing at her brother’s sleeping face before continuing in a whisper. “I don’t think he’s gonna make it much longer. If he- if he doesn’t make it, you gotta try to hold on ok? I don’t-” She choked on the sobs rising in her throat. “I don’t want to be alone.” Barry took her hand.

“You won’t be. I promise.”

It was about a week later and Barry was doing surprisingly well. That isn’t to say he was ok though. He was just better than expected. The same could not be said for Taako. He was at the same point Magnus was at in his last couple days. Lup and Barry were trying so, so hard to keep him going but they both knew it was a lost cause. Neither of them needed to say it.

Lup was sitting beside Taako on his bed. He was propped up on pillows, barely awake.

“Taako, you gotta eat okay? Please, just a little.” Lup held the spoon to his lips but he just squeezed his eyes shut and made a weak sound almost like ‘I’m trying’. Tears stung Lup’s eyes. “Taako, please.” She touched his cheek as she began to cry. It was hot and damp with either sweat or tears but she couldn’t be sure which. “Please, you can’t die on me. Don’t leave me like this, Taako.” 

He opened his lips just enough and she carefully fed him. It was just the one spoonful but his face contorted with the effort it took to swallow before his eyes slid shut. It was only a few seconds before it was for nothing. Taako’s limp body spasmed and the soup came dribbling out of his mouth as he fell forward. Lup caught him by the shoulders and held him up as he heaved, coughing up a string of spit. His eyes were shut again even before she’d wiped his mouth and lowered him back into the pillows. 

Lup got to her feet and looked at her brother for a moment before sinking to her knees and sobbing. She hadn’t felt this hopeless in so long, but what the fuck else are you supposed to feel when you’re watching your brother die? She clamped her hand over her mouth and curled in on herself, her body shaking with each sob. She was so tired. She was so, so tired. She just wanted this to be over.

And then it was over for one of them. She gathered herself after who knows how long and returned to Taako’s bedside, taking his hand. But it was stiff and cold, so much colder than it should have been. And she didn’t cry. She wrapped his body in the sweat soaked blanket and carried him outside. She couldn’t feel anything because this wasn’t real. Everything was numb and all she could hear was buzzing in her ears. And then she lit the pyre and felt the heat of the flames and then it was all so real and he was gone and she broke. 

She collapsed and screamed and Barry came out and ran to her side and he was talking but she couldn’t hear him because her blood was pounding in her ears and she was sobbing and she couldn’t stop screaming but he held her. He held her so tight and kept her here. She dug her fingers into the cloth of his robe and clutched at him because he was all she had left. He was the only real thing here. She wailed into him until it was dark and she couldn’t move and he helped her up. She took a few steps but she was shaking and she stumbled and fell so he carried her.

The next day she felt so guilty for this, he was sick and weak and suffering and she’d let him carry her. So she made him breakfast to repay him. They didn’t mention it. He didn’t say anything and she was so grateful he let her just pretend it wasn’t real. The only thing that was real that she let herself think about was Barry. He was real and he was here and he needed her. Lup only realized now how not okay he was. She didn’t know how long he would have slept if she didn’t wake him, it was already nearly noon by the time she did. He was eating what she’d made him but it looked like a struggle.

“Are you doing okay?” He looked up at her. His eyes had been clenched shut as he tried to finish the french toast.

“Yeah, I’m just a bit tired.” Lup watched him as he ate, noticing a few things. The bags under his eyes, the sweat on his forehead, and the slight tremble in his hands. The really bad part was going to get here any day and she didn’t know when.

She found out soon. She was heading to Barry’s room to check on him as he’d been napping for a few hours, but halted in front of the bathroom. She could hear retching from inside and knew it was here. She steeled herself before heading inside. Sure enough, Barry was heaving into the toilet, pale and drenched in sweat. She knelt beside him as the vomiting slowed, rubbing his tense back with one hand and gathering toilet paper in the other before wiping away the spit and bile from his mouth. He looked up as if he was about to speak, but his eyes rolled back in his head and he fell forward. Lup caught him before he hit anything and pulled him into her. Barry’s face was cold and clammy and he was trembling, his breaths short and shallow. The bad part wasn’t just arriving, it was here and he was in the thick of it. 

How long had he been this bad? Had he been hiding this from her? She was overcome with guilt for not keeping a better eye on him and how he was. She should have known better, he doesn’t take care of himself until everything and everyone is ok first. She found herself thinking back to a few days ago when he’d woken her up at two in the morning from where she was asleep on the floor next to Taako and guided her to bed, promising he’d look after him. Was he already this bad then?

Her train of thought kept going in this direction of guilt and worry until it was interrupted by Barry stirring. He began to try to speak but his voice was hoarse and Lup shushed him, helping him to his feet and back to his room. He dozed off fairly quickly and she felt the same numb emptiness she’d felt when Taako died. She knew she was scared and worried, but she couldn’t feel anything. It didn’t feel real. 

It felt like she was watching a show with characters she didn’t care about and that made her finally feel something but it was just guilt. These were her friends, her family, dying in front of her and she just felt numb. She felt hollow and empty and she knew she should be crying but she wasn’t. She sat with this for a few moments until she looked worried but she didn’t know if she was choosing to do it or if it was natural. She hated this feeling almost more than the heartbreak. 

Barry kept getting worse but she just felt numb. She was obviously worried and cared for him as much as she could but she never cried or broke down like she had with Taako or Magnus or any of the others. She figured it was some sort of subconscious coping mechanism trying to keep her stable. She still didn’t like it. She’d felt this before, when she and Taako were younger. 

When things got really bad Taako got angry towards everyone except her but she just shut down emotionally and she hated it. She’d always thought it was something wrong with her but in this particular situation, it helped. She hated it but it helped. It kept her stable enough to take care of Barry without breaking down in tears every five seconds, and she needed that.

The next day he was feverish and exhausted by walking and couldn’t keep anything but applesauce down. The day after that he couldn’t keep anything but water down and could hardly walk even a few steps. Then the day after that he couldn’t get up or keep anything down at all. Then all at once for no reason she could feel again and it was so much. He was dying and she knew it and she couldn’t stop it. She begged him to eat and drink and he tried, he tried so hard. He did his best but sometimes that is not enough. He tried so hard for so long and she could see it wearing away at him, but he kept going as much as he possibly could. 

He’d been really bad for about a week and he was sleeping in her arms, and he was so cold and yet he was damp with sweat. Barry began to twitch in his sleep and he jerked awake, silently crying. It had been a long time since she’d heard his voice. 

He hadn’t been strong enough to shower for a while, or strong enough to do much of anything for that matter. They had a folding wheelchair that she’d found in the medbay, so she’d been able to get him around, but she honestly could probably have just carried him. He was so weak and he’d lost so much weight and it hurt her to see him like this. 

It had hurt her to see everyone else like this, but each in a different way. Magnus, because he was usually so strong and full of life and then it was just gone. Taako, because she’d gone through it too but knew he wasn’t going to make it. But now Barry hurt her in a whole new way. He was so, so weak but he was trying to get better. Even when it hurt him and probably made things worse he still tried. She just wanted to hold him and make this better but she couldn’t. 

She couldn’t fix this.

But she could hold him. So she did. Lup held his shaking body tight and he pressed into her as much as he could, which wasn’t much. 

“Barry, do you want me to give you a bath? You can keep your clothes on and I can make it nice and hot,” She asked. He nodded almost imperceptibly.

She drew the bath almost without thinking, as she’d had to do it so many times already. She’d had to do essentially everything for him for the past few days, but she didn’t mind much. He was so sweet and even though he could scarcely talk, he tried to thank her for everything. 

And he tried to thank her for carrying him into the bathroom and preparing the bath but all that came out each time was a small, weak sound from somewhere in the back of his throat. 

“Shh, it’s okay, Barry, I know,” Lup whispered as he tried to thank her for washing his hair. “Just relax, but try to stay awake, okay?” He pried his eyes open and gave her such a tired smile, but even those tiny things looked like they exhausted him even further. She moved back a bit and looked at him and gods, he was so small.

She couldn’t explain why this was her first thought. He’d lost weight but he wasn’t small. Yet when she looked at him, curled up and shivering and soaking wet, there was something in her that just wanted to protect him. She watched him for a few seconds but saw so much within them. 

First she realized when she thought small, she meant emotionally and mentally. Barry had lost so much of himself. He’d gone from someone she could talk to for hours, who would work for days and still be functioning, to someone who had to put every bit of energy into staying alive. 

Second, he had to put every bit of energy into staying alive. Every breath and shiver and blink took effort and he was draining what he had left so much faster than he could and stay alive. 

Third, he wasn’t going to stay alive. Somewhere inside her, she knew this, but she’d convinced herself he’d make it. It seemed like he had too. He was trying so hard to get better but he just wasn’t going to and having that thought hurt her so much tears began to well in her eyes. 

Fourth, and last, this was her fault. It was her fault he was still here. She was keeping him going through this living hell, and he could’ve gone. He could’ve just given up and gone into oblivion and come back when things were okay but he hadn’t because of her. She’d begged him to stay, even then, just asking him to keep his eyes open was keeping him here, conscious of this pain, instead of blissfully asleep. Now she began to cry in earnest. 

As fat tears silently rolled down her cheek she knelt so she was just above Barry, cupping his face in her hands.

“Barry?” He made that tiny sound. His eyes were half closed and he struggled to focus them on Lup. “Barry, you can… you can go to sleep now.” His brows furrowed slightly in exhausted confusion. She smiled at him but he could also see that she was crying. The confusion turned to gentle concern as he pieced what she meant together. 

“It’s okay,” She whispered. He made the tiny sound again and his hand moved as if it were looking for something. She took it and held it tight. “It’s going to be fine, alright? I got you, it’s okay. You’re gonna be-” She choked on her tears, trying to swallow a sob. “you’re gonna be fine. I’ll keep you safe.” She leaned her forehead against his and squeezed his hand as his eyes slid shut for the last time. “I promise.”


End file.
